


Maybe It'll Be Okay

by roseytozie



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseytozie/pseuds/roseytozie
Summary: Rosa Diaz isn't out to anyone, but she has this feeling in her heart that won't shut up no matter how many times she tries to bottle it away. Will she open up, or will she keep trying to pretend to be someone she's not?





	1. i always wanna die (sometimes)

Song- I always wanna die (sometimes) by The 1975

 

Rosa isn't out yet, not to anyone. She is hardly even out to herself, every time she gets a thought unlike the rest, she puts it into a small bottle in her head and tries to move on with her life. 

  
Recently they've been getting worse though, more sporadic and she’s not quite sure if it’s a healthy coping mechanism to keep pushing them away. She wants to accept herself, but she's terrified the people around her will treat her differently. Rosa may have a hard exterior, but inside, she's soft and scared. 

 

Today was a Monday even though everyday started to feel like a Monday. She didn’t want anyone to notice how she felt, so she just kept up her cold front as always. Once she parked her motorcycle and readjusted her hair she prepared to go inside, another day hiding who she was. 

 

“Hey Rosa, I want you and Jake to check out a Robbery, good with you?” Terry said as she walked into the precinct, she nodded as he handed her the file. Today was one of the harder days. 

 

“Hey girl, why the long face?” She looked up to see Gina heading toward her, cup in hand. She handed it to Rosa, it was tea, her favorite. Gina always got her one every morning after she told her she didn’t like coffee.

 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Rosa offered her a light smirk as she went to get Jake. Gina always knew what was going on inside Rosa’s head, even if Rosa gave no indication as to what was going on, somehow Gina just  _ knew.  _

 

_ “I bet you thought your life would change _

_ But you're sat on a train again” _

 

Looking up at the blue sky Rosa thought about how the world would feel if she came out, if anyone would treat her differently or if that was just the demons in her head making her feel that way. The world was so beautiful but Rosa felt like she just truly wasn't experiencing it all. Every day just passed by and she had no way to stop and enjoy everything around her.

 

Jake looked up from the tire tracks near the bank and over at Rosa who was still looking up at the sky. He didn’t know why but something made him want to ask her if she was okay, a gut feeling or something, he didn’t know what the right word was.

 

“You alright Rosa?”

“Hm? Yeah fine.” 

 

“Well if you ever need to talk, just come on over to Uncle Jakey.” He smiled at her and they continued the case.

 

He had no idea how she felt inside. 

 

_ “I can hardly speak _

_ And when I try it's nothing but a squeak” _

  
  



	2. Million Reasons

Song- Million Reasons by Lady Gaga

 

_ “ _ _ I bow down to pray _

_ I try to make the worst seem better _

_ Lord, show me the way” _

 

Gina was walking toward Rosa a smile on her face. She was always really happy to see Rosa in the morning, it didn’t matter what happened the night before, when she saw Rosa it all melted away. Gina wasn't hiding who she was, she didn’t care if anyone knew she liked women, she just never decided to let anyone in on the idea. Rosa still had the same tired, sad look on her face, even as Gina walked toward her with her morning tea.

 

“Here ya go Rosa, for my favorite person in here, just don’t let anyone else know.” She winked as she went to her desk and plopped down. 

 

Rosa looked down at the name written on the side of her cup, Rosa, in big flowy letters. Gina did not have to go out of her way everyday to get her favorite tea but she decided to the day Rosa said she didn’t like coffee. It was times like this that Rosa had to push her feelings aside, another thought to put in her bottle.

 

-

 

Rosa set down in the car with Charles, they were looking for Sergeant Peanut Butter, the horse who overshadowed Charles when he won his metal. That damned horse. She knew that Charles really deserved to be appreciated, he’s a good man and hardly anyone tells him that. Of course, the horse is back years later. Rosa couldn’t help but laugh. She’s never the type to smile much in front of people, let alone laugh, but in this moment it just felt right.

 

“What's so funny?” Charles looked over at her as she tried to wipe the smile off of her face but it was getting harder once she remembered what they were doing.

 

“I’m trying to make the best out of this situation.” She said looking over at him.

 

“You’ve seemed kinda off lately, I don’t want to intrude, and I don’t want you to get upset with me because… you're scary, but are you okay Rosa?”

 

“I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it, but yeah i'm okay, thanks for asking Charles.”

 

Rosa is glad. In this moment she is happy to be where she is, and who she’s with. Charles has always cared about her, no matter how many times she’s tried to push him away, he always comes back. 

 

-

 

After getting back and saving Peanut Butter, which was mess, it was time to leave for the day, Rosa was excited, her tv shows were on tonight. No one needed to know which ones, that was her little secret.

 

“Bye Rosa.” She looked up to see Gina wave goodbye before getting on the elevator, and for some reason Rosa’s entire body filled with butterflies. 

 

_ “Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare _

_ It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware _

_ 'Cause you're giving me a million reasons” _

 

Gina was the one person Rosa always thought about. She was the reason Rosa was having such a hard time lately. The bottle in her head might as well fucking have Gina’s name on it because she is all Rosa seems to think about. The way she gets her tea every morning, the way she smiles, the way she talks to her, a million reasons to fall in love with a person. Why did it have to be Gina? Why did Rosa have to be so damn confused? She grabbed her stuff and quickly walked out. Tonight she was going to have a serious talk with herself, and try to unpack what's going on in her head. She owed this much to herself. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you are all enjoying this! I'm really enjoying writing it. My twitter is @brightames if you ever feel like giving me feedback!


	3. Admitting It

This one is not related to an episode. 

 

Rosa was walking into her apartment building, she set down her things and plopped down on her couch. Today was just a mental overload and she was finally ready for a night to herself. She needed to think. She needed to allow herself to breathe.

 

What is this feeling she has? The feeling when Gina walks towards her? When she hears Gina's voice and all the world around her melts away and she can feel her insides erupt with happiness. Rosa felt the same way when she first saw Marcus walk into the room, and she knew she was supposed to feel this way about Adrian, but now, feeling this way about Gina meant something entirely different. It meant Rosa had feelings for a girl. The same gender as her. 

 

Was she gay? Was she just going through a phase later in life? Why did absolutely nothing make sense right now?

 

She felt that everything around her was falling apart and she just wanted answers. Rosa had been dealing with this for years, since she was young, she just wants to admit it to herself, but god what was scary to think about.

 

Bisexuality.  Romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females. Both. Equally. Rosa loved both. She knew this. She FELT this. She got up from her couch and went to the mirror, she looked at herself. Her face looked tired, like she hadn’t slept in days and all her emotions were coming to the surface. She looked like she was battling something, and she was, herself. She thought if she said it to herself, looking at herself, it would allow her to finally open up.

 

She took a deep breath, looked at herself and sighed.

 

“I. Am. Bisexual.”

 

“I am bisexual, and I accept myself.”

 

“ I am bisexual and I’m still worthy of love and acceptance.”

 

“I am bisexual and I am still the same person I was before I said that.”

  
Rosa couldn’t lie to herself, in all the inner battles she had, this was one of the hardest ones to fully understand, and one of the hardest ones to admit to herself. Tonight was the night though, she said it, even if it was just to herself. 

She sighed again, it felt like years of emotional baggage had been lifted off of her shoulder ands her mind started to feel like there was less pressure. She still knew that there was a lot to handle when it came down to her life at the moment, but she felt like at least she handled something within herself. She admitted it, and god did it feel good.

 

Rosa looked down at her phone when she got back to her living room and noticed she had a text from Jake. 

 

It read, “Hey, want to go out from drinks?”

 

She smiled, don’t tell jake though, and responded with a simple yeah. She knew where he meant and grabbed her jacket and helmet and headed out, she was ready.

 

She rode up to the bar, parked her motorcycle as  she saw Jake pull into the parking lot. She was actually excited to go out tonight, it felt like a celebration for her. She wanted for Jake to get out of his car and they walked in together.

 

“I’ve needed this. Just a bit of time just to breathe.” Jake said as they got their drinks. Jake and Rosa were best friends, as much as she didn’t show her emotions, she hoped he knew that. She loved him like she loved all the good things in life. 

 

“Me too. It’s the first time since getting out.” Rosa didn’t like bringing up jail. She knew Jake had a better time then she did, she had nightmares about her time there.

 

“Rosa, you’ve been off. I know Charles talked to you, and I know I’ve tried. You seem like something is bothering you constantly, and I just want you to know, as a friend, that I care. I’ll listen always.” 

 

“I know Jake.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be Rosa opening up to Jake about prison. Stay tuned! Thank you for reading and enjoying!


	4. jail memories

“Jake, prison wasn’t as good for me as it was for you.” 

 

Jake looked up from his drink, and over at Rosa. She was still staring down at her drink, like she didn't want to admit that she, of all people, had a hard time in prison. Jake knew this, Rosa was one of his best friends, he knew something was up from the moment she got back, but he wanted HER to tell him. He would never force it out of her. 

 

“What happened?” He paused to give her time to collect herself and she finally looked up at him.

 

“It was hell Jake, in every form of the word. I’m an incredibly strong person, but anyone would break after what happened in there. The girls were vicious towards me because a lot of them knew I was a cop, and the guards were awful because they knew I’d get in trouble if I defended myself.”

 

Jake just sat and listened, because that was all he really could do, he wanted Rosa to get it all out.

 

“Fights were constant, it was like I had this weird target on my back constantly. People wanted to fuck with me. I was scared that if I retaliated everyone would think I was guilty of the bank robbery and wouldn’t try and help me.”

 

“Rosa. You know the 99 would never stop trying to help you, even if you did defend yourself.”

 

“I obviously know that, but when you're in the position I was in, your brain can comprehend anything Jake. I hardly knew who I was while I was in prison. I forgot I was a cop, until someone used it against me. I forgot I had people who cared until Holt and Terry would come up here, or when Gina would call and give me updates on how the investigation was going. Charles came up a few times too, but he's too mushy so I like to forget about that.” 

 

“What happened Rosa? What made you so scared?”   
  
“Women are a lot Jake. When you get a bunch of women who miss the outside world, some are tough, hard criminals, it’s terrifying. When i’m arresting someone, or chasing after a perp, I know that when I catch them, I can protect myself. I have a gun, and when we take them to the 99, they're in a holding cell, im separated from them. In prison? Im constantly around them. They look me in the eyes, and they have every right to hate me. I put some of them there, and even if I didn’t, they hate me because of the cop who did put them there.”

 

Rosa took another drink before she carried on what happened to her in prison.

 

“I missed you guys so much. I truly did, I know feelings freak me out and I refuse to talk about them, but god, it was heart wrenching to be away from my family. I was stuck in my own head. The only person willing to be around me for more than two seconds was a girl named Jacq. She had this way of talking that felt like I could tell her anything without any repercussions. She was in jail for a stupid reason, something no one could prevent so I knew that it wouldn’t look bad on me for being friends with her.”   
  
Rosa gave Jake the “you were literally friends with a cannibal” look and he laughs.

 

“She helped me understand the way this would play out, that I actually had to trust people, which I thought I did trust the 99 but when I was alone in my room I was constantly pissed thinking they weren’t doing enough, but she told me to trust. Just trust. When I did, time seemed to go by faster. She also protected me, I got jumped a few times, she would always intervene.” 

 

“I am so sorry Rosa.”

 

“Even though it was the worst experience of my life, she told me how to accept myself. And I’ve been doing just that.”

 

Jake looked over at his best friend, he was so proud of her. He knew Rosa was strong, everyone did. It was something she wore on her sleeve. She wanted everyone to know that nothing could affect her. He knew this did, and he was so fucking proud that she was now able to talk about it. She deserved that for herself. 

 

“There's a lot more that she taught me, but when the time comes, you’ll know that too. I cant keep much from you Jake.” She playfully punched his shoulder and smiled at him. This is what she missed a lot while she was in prison, she actually dreamed about telling Jake about her experience. Rosa was home. She was home and she was okay. 

 

Rosa really wanted to tell Jake about her being bisexual, and how she weirdly had these unexplainable feelings for Gina, his childhood friend, but it wasn't the time. She would know when the time was right. And she was ready whenever that time came. 

 

“You ready to leave?” 

 

“Yeah, did you call Amy to pick you up?”   
  


“Yeah, does she need to take you home too?”

 

“No, I’ll call someone else. Thank you for tonight Jake.”

 

He smiled as he walked out of the doors. Rosa had someone very particular in mind to call. She dialed the number as she went out to move her bike around back where the bar lets them park cars if they are keeping them there overnight. 

 

“Hey Gina?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Here comes that Dianetti content ;)  
> -@Cheerioames


	5. Night Lights

**You Learn - Alanis Morissette**

 

Rosa waited outside on a bench that she spent a lot of nights on, tonight it was different though. She wasn’t on edge, she just felt like this was the right choice. 

 

“Rosa, girl, come get in the car!” Rosa looked up to see Gina waving her over.

 

Rosa smiled and got up to walk over to her car. She was excited. Maybe it was the small amount of drinks in her system, or maybe it was just hearing Gina’s voice, but Rosa was just simply, happy. 

 

She opened the door and plopped down, there was a song playing in the car that reminded her of high school.

 

“Alanis?” Rosa asked.

 

“You know I love myself strong women Rosa.” She winked over at her.

 

_ I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone _

_ I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at anytime _

 

They set in silence as they drove over to Rosa’s apartment, Gina was the only one in the squad that knew where Rosa lived. She intended to keep it that way for a while. It only takes about ten minutes to get to Rosa’s apartment from the bar, but tonight it seemed that Gina was taking a different route.

 

“Where we going?” 

 

“You seemed like you were in a good mood tonight, and I haven’t seen you like that in a while. Soo I decided, we are taking a little detour. Spend more time together if thats okay?’

 

Rosa just smiled her answer, and that was enough for Gina.

 

They went towards more darkly lit roads so they were able to talk more without the sound of the city streets. New York really never sleeps.

 

“What’s been up with you? I know Boyle and Jake have asked, and everyone has asked me if I was able to get through to you.”

 

“I’m bisexual Gina.” Rosa took the song lyrics she heard and stuck her foot in her mouth. She wasn’t necessarily ready, but telling Gina didn’t feel like the wrong thing. This moment, driving at night, listening to music, feeling the wind on her face, felt like it was the easiest thing she’s ever had to do. 

 

_ You live you learn, you love your learn _

_ You cry you learn, you lose you learn _

_ You bleed you learn, you scream you learn _

 

“I’m pansexual.” Gina said, not looking away from the road.

 

“Really?” Rosa was in complete shock, what had Gina just say? Did she just come out to her? Did they just come out to each other?

 

“I mean, i've never really cared to tell anyone. Why does it matter? I love whoever I love and that's the end of the story.” 

 

“I’ve had such a hard time with it. I can’t tell you how much i’ve hated myself growing up. How much time i’ve spent crying and wishing I wasn’t who I was.” Rosa looked out the window while Gina pulled the car over.

 

“What, where are we-”

  
Gina cut Rosa off by opening her car door and running over and opening hers.

 

“Get out of the car.”   
  


“What? Gina what are we doing?”   
  
“Just get out of the car!”

 

Rosa’s buzz was gone now and she was left with a slight headache, but she did what she was told. She got out of the car while Gina hit the lock button. Gina grabbed Rosa’s hand and started walking.

 

They weren’t anywhere where Gina had been before, it was on the outskirts of where they lived, a simple open parking lot, no one was in sight. It was dark, chilly, and yet Rosa had never felt so warm and safe.

 

“Come stand here.” Gina dragged Rosa to a spot at the edge of the parking lot.

 

“Tell the world.” Gina continued, pointing at Rosa and back out to the business that seemed miles away.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know what I mean Rosa. You’ve been holding this in forever. Tell the world. No one around can hear you, other than me, but it’ll feel empowering. Trust me.”   
  
Rosa was scared, but you scream you learn right?

 

“I. AM. BISEXUAL.” She yelled with all her might, like it was something she had to get out of her body.

 

Gina stood by her again, reconnecting their hands. 

 

“I. AM. PANSEXUAL. AND STILL AS AMAZING AS I WAS!”

 

Rosa laughed, of course Gina would be able to make her laugh. Of Course this would make her feel better. It all had to do with Gina. Gina was everything. Their hands were still together.

 

“WE AREN’T STRAIGHT AND WE ARE PROUD.” They yelled together. Who knew the one thing that Rosa thought would ruin her life is making her the happiest shes ever been?

 

This was the silliest, corniest thing Rosa had ever done, but she did genuinely feel better. 

 

“So, Rosa, was i right?”   
  
“Of course you were. You always seem to be right. Don’t let that go to your head.”

 

“It already did.”

 

Rosa looked over at Gina. Her hair was blowing with the wind, she was wearing a jean jacket, leggings, and boots. She wasn’t dressed up but Rosa would swear she was the most beautiful person she ever had the gift of looking at. 

 

“I am proud of your Rosa, I know coming to terms with things like this is really hard. You have all my respect.”   
  


“Thank you.”

 

Gina let go of her hand and pulled her into a hug, Rosa let her. She was protective of her personal space, but Gina could be an exception. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!! I know I haven't updated in foREVER but i'm back! Follow me on twitter for any updates @Cheerioames


	6. She Means Everything to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Short chapter I knooow. I hope you all enjoy it, thank you so much for reading it! -@cheerioames on twitter

She - Dodie

 

Something clicked in Gina’s head that night. Once she had dropped Rosa off at her apartment and went home, she realized she missed her. Gina wasn’t the type to feel soft and mushy over a person, she didn’t even feel that way about her baby's dad. She was happy with Milton sure, but he didnt make her feel the way Rosa did. Needed, happy, excited for what could come. 

 

_ Am i allowed to look at her like that _

_ Could it be wrong when shes just so nice to _

_ Look at  _

 

Gina walked into the precinct the next morning, Rosa’s tea in one hand, her coffee in the other. When she saw Rosa it was like all of her body woke up, she smiled at her and sat her tea down. When she went to walk away Rosa’s hand grabbed hers and stopped her in place.

 

“Thank you for last night. I truly feel like I’m ready now.”

They walked into the morning meeting they had and sat down. Gina knew rosa had something planned, but she didn’t know what yet. She just hoped it was something good for her. 

 

-

 

Rosa was nervous, but she wasn't going to let it show. She was just going to say it and hope for the best. She loved these people, and she hoped they’d love her back no matter what. 

 

“There’s something I’d like to say, I’m a pretty private person so this is kinda hard for me but here we go. I’m bisexual.”

 

No one looked at her judgingly, they looked at her the same they always did, slightly sacred, but this time there was a look of interest. 

 

“How long have you known?” Amy asked.

 

“7th grade.”

 

The squad asked simple questions, just learning more about Rosa, and Rosa didn’t mind. She felt completely comfortable. For once in her life she was happy to let people into her mind. 

 

After the morning meeting was over and Rosa had caught up on paperwork she was eyeing a new case. So distracted by the murder down the street she didn’t even notice Gina walk up to her desk.

 

“Mhm.” Gina cleared her throat to catch Rosa’s attention.

 

Rosa looked up and smiled.

  
“Sorry there was a murder down the street that's pretty gruesome, wanna hear about it?”

 

Rosa started explaining the specifics of the case and what had happened in detail. Gina stood behind her taking in all the information, and she actually cared. She wasn’t doing her usual “pretending to listen”, and Jake noticed it. He saw the attentiveness of Gina and heard the smile behind each of Rosa’s words. He was curious but it wasn’t his business so he moved on to telling Amy about the snack he got out of the vending machine. 

 

“Would you like to go to lunch? I am needing some food and change of scenery.” Gina asked after Rosa finished telling her the case.

 

“Yeah, where do you want to go?” Rosa saw Charles behind Gina smiling at them and she gave him the eye and he scurried away. 

 

“There’s this new place down the street, we can just walk.” 

 

Rosa smiled and grabbed her jacket and wallet. When they got into the elevator and Gina turned and looked at her.

 

“Hey, last night really meant a lot of me and I just want you to know that it helped me as much as it helped you, and I just want to spend more time with you.”

 

Rosa smiled, this week has got to be the most she had smiled in her entire life and she wasn’t complaining.

 

“That’s okay with me, lets go get lunch.” 

 

They stepped off at the elevator and started walking to the restaurant, and neither of them knew how happy they were in that moment. 

  
  



End file.
